Sunday, May 20

Writing recently has been somewhat limited, due to drowning under work. The amount of paper cuts I have on my hands is absurd, as I found out when trying to eat a lemon… (The lemon was good, very, very good. Sour to the extent I found myself wanting to call it sweet.) What I have written seems to be surprising me; it’s the sort of stuff I would be reluctant to admit to myself, or anyone else, so how on earth I am going to show anyone else much of it, I don’t quite know. Maybe I won’t – I might just stow it all up for ME. I do want to, but anonymously; it sounds pathetic, I know, but I would love to show people close to me it without them knowing I wrote it. How this could be possible, I’ve really not a great idea for at the moment, as I’ve pretty damn sure they’d immediately have a little green man prancing around their mind, yelling ‘Katy’s’. Is that a bad thing? Good thing? It happens with my drawings/ arty stuff as well… (I’m wearing vanilla. I really do quite like the smell, although I’ve lately discovered that most things I like the smell of are because they somehow – even if they’re blatantly not, which is most usual – somehow make me want to gobble them up.)

I have so many books I must read, it’s an extremely exciting prospect… knowing that there will always be books. The quote on the waterstones bag, which I saw today, clattered neatly (can that happen?) with my thoughts. By Hemingway: ‘There is no friend as loyal as a book’. I’d like to say I like most people, or that I honestly don’t agree with the quote; but I do. Humans are so stacked up with self-qualms, that loyalty can never be certain. Nothing can, but that’s a central force for another time, another post.

Two recent smacking-me-in-the-thought-area revelations:

1) I like late nights, and

2) I like early mornings when everything is twitching… ‘twitching, twitching, twitching [hopefully not]/ to the set beat’.

These two things don’t fuse overly well, I know. Unless I return to my insomniac days, but I sincerely hope not. Maybe, I will make the effort to have some earlier mornings, perhaps I could balance the late nights and early mornings with a little sleep sometime mid-afternoon. Quite appealing, actually…

Another thought: I am hoping that I will be able to use my tactical/ persuasive skills after the exams (and through, when blagging absurdities fits the game); to have lots of trips to places I’ve not been. Because, with a job, I will have the money to, and I will also have the time! (Lovely long holidays…)

I owe many people emails, letters, & phonecalls. If you are one of these people, reading this, wondering how I have the time to blog, to try and pacify my meandering thoughts, please note that I am actually doing you a favour. My concentration levels (as probably proven by this post) are pathetically low. Seriously. I’m tired. Not angry, irritable tired, but strangely more docile than ‘usual’.