Thursday, February 22

Often, I reckon, when you've not spent time with a certain people/peoples, your opinions on them can be more easily swayed, & when you do finally see them again, you can often expect too much. Not that this is at all surprising if you are anyone like me: it is routine to expect too much, & thus be let down by myself, people close to me often, and everything else that makes up day to day life. But it can be a problem, the question of opinions of others, how they can flick so quickly sometimes, yet other times remain quite secure, solid for a long time, before once again flicking and scaring me to some extent. There are, despite this, some people for whom my opinion remains always positive: there is something about them which just makes me enjoy spending time with them, &, being selfish as are most humans, I hence want to spend more and more time with them. Sometimes it is even better when there are huge gaps. Like a mini sort of 'lent', except from with people. Naturally, if they are quite so wonderful, this would have to be enforced either 1) by them - knowing how pissed off I would get, yet still adore their company, or 2) by something out of all our control. Usually the latter - most people don't have enough staying power for the first, nor recognise how rewarding it could be.

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Have you noticed I sometimes use '&', yet also use 'and'. This is a vain attempt to make myself delight more in writing - I do not naturally use '&' often (! it has, surprisingly, crept into a few timed-essays recently!) - yet the shape of it delights me. As does the word 'yet'. And 'wonder'. So yes, purely a silly tic on my behalf; because it delights me. Yes.

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I am going to go and get my red notebook. It is quite gorgeous. From paperchase - I expect ridiculously expensive, despite being unable to recall the precise amount. Anyhow, to the red book. I will write some things I meant to write here a long time ago - I wrote them in the red book - as I so often do with early-hours-of-the-morning writings.

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'Often [cue head tilt...], I reckon one of the most fantastic [read, 'purely selfish'] things would be to have someone to lie with and talk to just as you are falling into the lull of inbetween asleep and awake, neither quite here nor there. Not when you are recognising your dreams - for that is another lull - but certainly, a lull.

Yesterday (which was 'V' day - more about that later.) [there might not be more, depending on my laziness/ care for your boredom.] I went swimming. With my new goggles. Very exciting: it meant I could sit cross-legged on the bottom of the pool (as I enjoy doing), look up, &, see clearly. Plus they have an interesting [read: 'pointless, but amuses me'] sort of clip at the back.

Then we went to a French cafe where I ate hot chocolate, half a croissant (well and truly soaked in the river-like - wait, that sounds awfully unappealing now I reread it... - froth) and half a strawberry tart...'

And so it goes on. & Then I rant about Valentine's day, for the majority, being an excuse to attempt to put a pretty front on their relationship(s?), superficial, and where teenage girls are delighted if they get roses and/or chocolates. (How unoriginal and dull can you get? Plus they've probably not even found out *which* chocolates and/or roses they really enjoy. Urgh... pass the next sick bucket type moment.) I suppose though, most people don't recognise the idea of idiosyncrasy most days - with the consumerist machine of V day, we can hardly hope that they will...

There was also an Armitage poem I was going to put up here, because he 1) is more likely to produce amusement, and can write far better, and 2) even my desperate attempts at writing recently are... well, that, quite simply: desperate. Nevertheless, shall I submerge myself in reading, I will be learning something, so, once I am done with what I am making at the moment (top secret... *drum rolls*...), I shall do so.

Now let me find this bugger of an Armitage poem, for it really is worth reading. Gaaaah... I cannot find it. It was on a Guardian unlimited thread, & talked about some kid in science. (poems with stupid kids & science & Armitage are hardly likely to be dull, are they?)

OK, you get this one instead, enjoy! (& discuss/ comment?)

http://www.poetryarchive.org/poetryarchive/singlePoem.do?poemId=90

I'll leave you with a Baudelaire quote (from one of his intros to ‘Fleurs du Mal’)...

'But I have one of those happy natures that enjoy hatred and feel glorified by contempt.'

http://fleursdumal.org/

Monday, February 19

Picking the white, not-yet-solidified icing off an iced finger was one of the things I enjoyed today. As was walking aimlessly; standing in HMV watching people scan the CDs and DVDs; trying out testers in the body shop, getting hungry from the smell of the body shop; laughing at the person who tried to hand me a brochure about getting married (moron.); walking into a jeweller's with no intention of buying, asking for brochures with images (I'd say 'pictures' usually if it wasn't my school art I am talking about, but it seems this word sticks to the front of my linguistic choices when it comes to the subject) of watches for my art project, & being given lots of brochures by an extremely dilligent person; then sharpening pencils, arranging them in their tins.

(I like these meandering blogs. Just being able to solidify our thoughts, or feel that we have. I wonder if it's why the whole blog schaboom has been able to happen to such a mass extent. I should probably qualify that 'mass extent', but I don't know how to... The selling of egocentricity?)