Sunday, May 20

Writing recently has been somewhat limited, due to drowning under work. The amount of paper cuts I have on my hands is absurd, as I found out when trying to eat a lemon… (The lemon was good, very, very good. Sour to the extent I found myself wanting to call it sweet.) What I have written seems to be surprising me; it’s the sort of stuff I would be reluctant to admit to myself, or anyone else, so how on earth I am going to show anyone else much of it, I don’t quite know. Maybe I won’t – I might just stow it all up for ME. I do want to, but anonymously; it sounds pathetic, I know, but I would love to show people close to me it without them knowing I wrote it. How this could be possible, I’ve really not a great idea for at the moment, as I’ve pretty damn sure they’d immediately have a little green man prancing around their mind, yelling ‘Katy’s’. Is that a bad thing? Good thing? It happens with my drawings/ arty stuff as well… (I’m wearing vanilla. I really do quite like the smell, although I’ve lately discovered that most things I like the smell of are because they somehow – even if they’re blatantly not, which is most usual – somehow make me want to gobble them up.)

I have so many books I must read, it’s an extremely exciting prospect… knowing that there will always be books. The quote on the waterstones bag, which I saw today, clattered neatly (can that happen?) with my thoughts. By Hemingway: ‘There is no friend as loyal as a book’. I’d like to say I like most people, or that I honestly don’t agree with the quote; but I do. Humans are so stacked up with self-qualms, that loyalty can never be certain. Nothing can, but that’s a central force for another time, another post.

Two recent smacking-me-in-the-thought-area revelations:

1) I like late nights, and

2) I like early mornings when everything is twitching… ‘twitching, twitching, twitching [hopefully not]/ to the set beat’.

These two things don’t fuse overly well, I know. Unless I return to my insomniac days, but I sincerely hope not. Maybe, I will make the effort to have some earlier mornings, perhaps I could balance the late nights and early mornings with a little sleep sometime mid-afternoon. Quite appealing, actually…

Another thought: I am hoping that I will be able to use my tactical/ persuasive skills after the exams (and through, when blagging absurdities fits the game); to have lots of trips to places I’ve not been. Because, with a job, I will have the money to, and I will also have the time! (Lovely long holidays…)

I owe many people emails, letters, & phonecalls. If you are one of these people, reading this, wondering how I have the time to blog, to try and pacify my meandering thoughts, please note that I am actually doing you a favour. My concentration levels (as probably proven by this post) are pathetically low. Seriously. I’m tired. Not angry, irritable tired, but strangely more docile than ‘usual’.

4 comments:

miles away said...

i hope you do manage to keep all your writing somewhere safe - no matter what you write, you can always re-visit it at a later date and read or edit and amend as necessary.

Katy Murr said...

Hello, miles away, welcome...

I do keep it all, but I wouldn't say that it's 'safe' - there're scraps everywhere across my room. (One of the reasons I get itchy when people prance about, poking stuff in my room...) But yes, like you say, it is important. After the (seemingly never-ending) treadmill of exams, I am eager to have time to re-visit stuff!

Anonymous said...

glad to see you're doing ok. keeping it to yourself...i always assumed you wrote to express yourself. wouldn't keeping it to yourself contradict that? then again i suppose we all have secrets we wanna keep inside.

take care...

Katy Murr said...

you know, this anonymous business really gets me, because there're several people who use it, knowing full well it confuses me, and I hate not knowing who's writing and reading what.

I do, sometimes, but not all the time. Some stuff you just can't show, can you? If you can't really show yourself, how the fuck you can show anyone else, is atm beyond me.

I try to. And you too, whomever the you is.